“Better Than Mine”: Story Behind the Song

Learning to trust God with the future in the now

Doors Close

Had this picture in mind

What my future would look like

It didn’t look like this

I sat across from my mom on the old couch in our unfinished basement, stunned. I’d just found out that the college of my dreams wouldn’t stack my scholarships. The Lord had opened up the door enough that I could see my full tuition covered, but kept it too closed to walk through. Room and board would put me $10,000 in debt each year.

It was the only school where I’d applied. I’d stepped out on such faith that it was the perfectly right fit for me, and now I was faced with the crushing reality that I couldn’t spend money I didn’t have.

I saw a glimpse of what my future could have been there, heard the echo of the promises made by potential professors…and the door slammed closed.

Only about a year prior, my Papal, who I was really close to, traumatically passed away from Colon cancer eleven days after he was diagnosed. So many futures I’d taken for granted were now doors bolted shut.

Running parallel, the artist development coaching program I was in was offering similar, half-opened doors. Opportunities and potential paths were stretching out before me. I was so excited!

But when I prayed and asked the Lord for my next steps, I didn’t have the peace I expected. Instead, a part of me I couldn’t quite explain was telling me to wait. To pause. To breathe. If there was even a chance that it was the Holy Spirit, I knew I had to listen.

So instead of bolting forward, I took a step back.

Suddenly, everything I thought the next few years would look like were giant unknowns. The picture I had in mind didn’t line up with the view I was seeing.

Where We’re Going Is Good For Me

And then everything changed one day. I was listening to a podcast, and something said within it—I can’t even quite remember what—felt like getting a glimpse of that door againm and it filled me with such hope.

I burst out singing a new song to the Lord, “There’s something good in mind, Your ways are better than mine!”

I wrote the verses, and they came out very angsty and desperate. I was clinging to this promise that I believed the Lord to be good and faithful, but it was by the sure will of trust instead of a joyful faith.

I still spent so much mental space staring at those closed doors. Regretting not knocking them down, fearing I’d misinterpreted my gut.

The Re-Write

What’s so strange, I don’t really know what caused the pivot. Growth from that doubting place was invisible and beneath the surface. I gradually stopped fighting so hard against the place the Lord had put me. I stopped saying out loud that I was stuck and trapped. I started finding blessings. I kept pouring over my Bible, burying His Word in my heart.

I started realizing I wasn’t stuck in the waiting room; I was in a beautiful studio full of opportunities right where I was. I started doing instead of just waiting. I don’t have clear memories of why I sat down at the piano that particular day and decided to revisit this song I wrote called “Better Than Mine.” I just remember thinking, “You know, God, You’re so so good, and right now this song doesn’t make it sound like I believe that when I really, really do.”

Let’s add some joy to this, I thought and started back at the beginning. The chorus remained largely intact from the inception of the song, but the verses were completely reworked. Now, melodies and the lyrics were tossed in the mental blender. Something very different but similar was the result.

Suddenly, my angsty ballad was a song of celebration and declaration. It was a worship song instead of a lament.

And isn’t that so like the Lord? He turns our mourning into dancing and brings joy in the morning. God’s plan is so, so good.